As of last night, Sunday night, I had decided to go with Lance on his opionion to sedate. I can't say I was happy with the decision but it was made. I prayed, I tossed, I turned, I prayed, I felt sick to my stomach, I prayed. Every time I woke up I was thinking about all the 'what if's' of today. I thought all weekend about the what if's. I don't know if I should even type this for fear that some might think I'm a loon...but whatever, it's my blog, so...I'll go on. I kept thinking, what if this was the last bath I gave him, what if this was the last time we took him to church, what if this was the last time I nursed him. What if, what if, what if? You see, I have this tiny problem that I can get my mind worked into quite a mess over the what if's. I'm a worrier by nature. I'm also a planner. And when I don't know if my plan is going to work, I get a little worked up. I worry. So, I was worked up. To say the least. Somehow, Lance was cool as a cucumber---or either wasn't letting me in on his feelings; but, I kept praying...and worrying. I rememeber somewhere hearing a quote that said 'if you are worrying, you aren't praying' but I assure you I was doing both. Right or wrong, I was doing both.
As previously mentioned, the last time Easton could eat was 3am. So I woke him then to feed him and put him back down. *He did pretty good when he got up considering he didn't have his morning feeding.* And let me tell you, we.are.routine. SO, for him to be out of his routine, I thought he did marvelous.
After we got all checked in it was time to go back. The nurse had a note in her chart that we were going to try it without sedation. I told her we had changed our mind...that we didn't want to waste our time or hers if he wouldn't go to sleep. She said families do this all the time without sedation. All babies will eventually fall asleep. *She was very open to the idea of doing it without sedation and very willing to let me try whatever I wanted.* After asking Lance what he thought and him saying *'it's up to you'* my mind was made. I wanted to try nursing him to get him to go to sleep. She did inform us that he would have to be strapped down to a board to have the CT done and I could either nurse him strapped in, try to strap him in awake and get him to fall asleep or strap him in once asleep.
So, she turned the lights down low, pulled the curtain shut and I nursed him. He was wild as a buck. He was tossing and turning, looking around, watching Lance, playing with the rocking chair. Everything BUT falling to sleep. When we were finished I could tell he was sleepy so we decided to try getting him to sleep on the board so we didn't have to move him once he was asleep. The nurse came back in and strapped him in. Ok, picture the board as a 3 foot piece of wood covered in some swaddling blankets with a foam piece at the head to keep his head still and 12 inch veclro sections to go over his body at his shoulder and at his knees... He was all strapped in and she laid him across my lap in the rocking chair and we rocked. I prayed. Lance played solitare on his phone while we waited. He was a bit peeved at this point (with me---for chosing to nurse and not get it over with quick). I rocked. And prayed. Rocked. And prayed. Every time I'd peek my eyes open Easton's were getting a little heavier with each sway of the chair. I continued praying over him until the snoring distracted me. I was beyond amazed. This kid DOES NOT nap...much less strapped to a board, in a strange place with strange noises...and when I want him too. But, today, the day it mattered, *he did. HE.FELL.ASLEEP!*
Once he was good and asleep the nurse came and carried him to the CT room (out of the holding area, down a long bright hallway, into a dark CT room and onto the CT table with beeps and hums and noises) and he remained asleep. Lance held his hands. I stood back in awe. Praising my Jesus. Almost to the point of tears. *My child was asleep on the CT table without meds.* I could not help but stand there and smile as I watched the red laser pass over his face and scan his little head. God heard my prayers, our prayers, and answered them. Easton stayed asleep through the entire procedure only waking up when the tech undid the velcro on the board at the end.
I am amazed. I am in awe of the power of prayer. We prayed. He answered. I want to shout it from the roof tops "look what my God did!" I want to paint my truck "God answered my prayers." I want to put out a news cast. I want to tell everyone exactly what I prayed for and got exactly what I asked for. I want to sit at the feet of Jesus and praise Him for who He is and for His power. There is no doubt to me that He was present with us today. I have no doubt that it was ALL HIM who got Easton to sleep. I have no doubt that it was HIS plan, not MINE, for me to nurse him and not have him sedated. God is so good. He is so faithful. He is so compassionate. He is so gracious. He is so merciful. He is love.
